First Holiday Without a Loved One

Yesterday I came across this pin on Pinterest. It made me think about all the people who have lost someone they love and how difficult holidays or special days can be especially in the first year. The loss seems to be greater at Holiday times because these days are filled with happiness, family gatherings, and sharing of love. That sharing of love can be through family stories, singing, dancing, cooking, decorating, cleaning, laughter, hugs and kisses, and last but not least, the crazy, zany mishaps that sometimes occur. These things are what make the Holidays great. Every person in the family is unique and brings something different to the group. Sometimes we may not realize the uniqueness of the person until they are not present. Now a vital person in the family story is missing. Family members keenly feel this emptiness.

How do you manage that grief during the Holiday season? How do you go it alone? Life as you used to know is gone. You have to build new memories, or traditions for the next phase of your life. Death of a loved one can be a life altering event. You may not be the same person you were before the loved one died. Your emotions can be off kilter for a long time. Grief has no time limitations. The first year is the hardest for most people. Here are a few tips that may help you get through the first Holiday season without your loved one.

1. Decide what activities, traditions, or events you can do. Be kind to yourself and others.

2. Some people need the holiday activities to distract them from the loss. If you are one of those persons, immerse yourself in the seasonal activities that you enjoy.

3. It might help to remember the deceased person in some way. When my husband died, I put all of his Christmas village out as a display instead of a Christmas tree. Also, he brought a red sleigh for Christmas one year before he passed, I put all my grandkids presents in it each year.

4. Do something different for the Holiday. The first Christmas after my husband’s death, I went overseas to be with my son and his family. I was in a different country and learning about the customs of the Arab world. It took some of the focus off the Holidays. I am not going to lie and say that it was easy, but it was not as hard as it would have been if I had stayed at home.

5. The children of the deceased person are grieving too, and they may need support getting through this time. They may want to continue a tradition because it brings a feeling of closeness with their loved one.

6. Do something to help a needy family or person. Helping others can be time consuming and energy consuming. Helping others is therapeutic. Your mind and energy are focused elsewhere and not on your personal loss for some of the time.

Sometimes, you might have to say to yourself “This day will come to an end. I can get through this.” The old age adage, “Time heals” is true because the pain that comes with the loss of a loved one is so intense that it is almost crippling.

I believe that the Good Lord is merciful and knows that we could not survive that crippling pain forever. For anyone that is reading this and is experiencing loss of a loved one, I want you to know that I am sorry for your loss and that one day you will have a day wherein you did not thing about that person. That too is another milestone in the grief healing process.